i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
