i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
