Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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