do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
