i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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