I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
