WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
