I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
