Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
