Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
