He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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