please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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