nut hugger
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
