Already got asked if we're dating
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
