i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
