I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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