a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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