It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
