I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
