I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
