And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
