I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
they need to just BURY HIM!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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