Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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