What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
