Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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