Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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