My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
