conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
