Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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