It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
