does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
