I'm gonna have a badass scar
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
