did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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