I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
