Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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