In the future we'll all be gay
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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