yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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