Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
50% drunk capacity currently
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
