I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
