She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's official drugs can't kill me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
