the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
