I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
babies were throwing up all over the place
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
only you would photoshop your dick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Randomize
