i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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