Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
