What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
