So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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