he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
