he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
