yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
