i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
