walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
